Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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