My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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