sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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