I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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