I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
