I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
