we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
