I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
