do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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