You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
