dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
