@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
