My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
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