Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
