If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
