I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
