3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I smell like Dick and happiness
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
