i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
