quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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