OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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