He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
