She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
