do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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