tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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