Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
