you traded sex for a burrito?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
