I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
