I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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