He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
