cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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