I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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