Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
