I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
