flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
