i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
