He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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