is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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