he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
