Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
