I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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