Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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