please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
high people should be assigned attendants
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
