Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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