Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
