I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
