BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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