I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
