Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
