i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
they call him Oral-B. enough said
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
