I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Randomize
