Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
