If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
