Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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